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August 28th, 2017


Posted on August 28th, 2017, 1:15


All relationships go through ups and downs. But some couples start wondering whether they are headed towards a breakup. They are going through some unusual downs in their relationship, and are unsure whatís going on. Consider the following signs, and get more clarity about where you stand in your relationship.

  • Excessive criticism

If you find yourself criticizing your partner, think of it as a sure sign of trouble. Criticism can prove to be very harmful to a relationship because it is an attack on the character of a person. A more constructive thing to do when differences arise is to positively and calmly voice your feelings and needs. You can make a complaint in ways that make it easier of your partner to hear and understand. Understanding how to soften your complaints can help you have a positive outcome.

  • Wrong assumptions and mind reading

Making the wrong assumptions or mind reading your partnerĎs intention can hurt a relationship. For example, you may blame your partner for not loving you or you may assume that they are Ďcarelessí if they get late in coming home and forget to inform you. A disconnect in communication is evident from such behavior. It may be possible that your partner got stuck in traffic and his phone ran out of power. Yet, you may adopt a cold behavior towards the person thinking you have been wronged. Misinterpreting your partnerís intentions and arguing can create problems. This does not mean that you are passive and only assume the best. It means that you talk with your partner about it and ask for clarification in a caring way.

  • Attitude of contempt

Contempt is a sure sign of an ailing relationship. An attitude of contempt leads to disrespect, ridicule and sarcastic behavior between partners. Calling each other names or shouting at each other is detrimental to a relationship. The reason behind this kind of contemptuous behavior has some kind of resentment.  If a person has been hurt in the past by his/her partner, such contemptuous behavior can creep into a relationship.  John Gottman, a famous relationship researcher, stated that contempt is one of the biggest predictors of an eventual divorce. Talk with kindness and compassion to your partner, no matter how you feel. It will go a long way towards healing old wounds and new hurts.

  • Lack of fun and passion

The fading away of sexual chemistry between partners is a serious concern. Relationships need work to keep the passion alive. Sex is a big part of feeling connected and energized by the relationship. When couples feel connected sexually they also tend to feel safe and get a deep sense of comfort.

There are other elements of fun in a relationship that also need attention. Couples connect when they share some common interests and talk about their day.

If the couple canít create pleasure in each otherís company, the relationship is likely to struggle. The clock is ticking for such a relationship because the partners are not connecting and creating shared meaning. They tend to become absent even while being together.

  • Restricted individualization or personal pursuits

Happy and healthy relationships thrive when individuals can pursue their hopes wishes and dreams. If one finds a partnerís jealousy or possessiveness is keeping him/her away from doing the things they love then the relationship is bound to turn sour. An individual can sacrifice his/her interests for a short while. If one partnerís control issues are taking away from the otherís personality, then anger and resentment are going to begin to develop. If such behavior is not checked in good time, it could kill the relationship. No one is comfortable living a restricted life as it hinders personal progress. If an individual does not flourish, the relationship will also suffer.

If your relationship need help then couples therapy can move your relationship in the right direction. Couples therapists are trained in communication and conflict resolution. They can also help couples reignite passion and bring excitement back.

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By Josephmax, in: General

Posted on August 28th, 2017, 1:08


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Whether you are in treatment for depression, anxiety or an addiction, finding a good support system and the right therapist are key factors in your wellness and recovery. All the clinical research shows that how couple therapy works. Here are eight strategies for maximizing the time you spend in therapy.

1. Find the Right Therapist

Chemistry and compatibility are important factors to consider when working with a therapist. In order to get the most out of the process, it is important to trust your therapist. You should feel at ease, and be comfortable enough to openly discuss difficult topics. Finding the right therapist is an important step and set the groundwork for success. A good idea is to interview a few therapists on the phone before you schedule your first session. A good therapist should be open to this possibility. Ask them how they work and how they can help you reach your goals. Ask yourself, do I feel like I can talk to them and they understand. If not, call another therapist. Itís okay to shop around for the right fit.

2. Collaborate With Your Therapist and Set Realistic and Attainable Goals

For people suffering from anxiety, depression or an addiction to drugs, sex, pornography or gambling, the immediate goal is to get well and find a "cure" for the problem as quickly as possible. Because everyone's triggers, history, and the path to recovery is different, the right therapist will work with you to design a treatment plan that is ideal for your situation and circumstances. Therapy works best as a collaborative process, and give you time to make the changes you want in your life.

3. Be Honest With Your Therapist and Yourself

Feelings of shame and humiliation go hand in hand with depression, anxiety, and addiction. But withholding the truth about your feelings and behaviors will only interfere with your progress. Your therapist is there to help you, and giving yourself permission to speak freely and openly is critical to your progress. If you feel you canít be open with your therapist, talk to them about it, most likely you can work through it together.

4. Be Open and Fully Present in Your Sessions

Therapy is an investment in your mental, emotional and physical health. Commit to bringing your whole self to your session, and resist the urge to censor yourself or hold back for fear of judgment. This can be hard to do but make the commitment to just be yourself. When you come to therapy make it the priority and get rid of distractions. Itís a good idea to turn off your phone so it wonít bother you during your session.

5. Continue to Build and Work Outside of Formal Sessions

Like learning to play an instrument or any new skill, applying the tools from therapy in your day-to-day life once you leave your therapist's office is an integral part of the process. Activities like journaling can help make sense of your sessions and gain new insights on your progress between sessions. Working on your progress every day is an important part of breaking old patterns. You are only in therapy for a short time during the week, so a lot of your progress can happen outside the therapy office.

6. Discuss Ongoing Progress With Your Therapist

Let your therapist know how you feel about your progress, especially if you feel stuck or suffer setbacks. This is important. If you feel that you are not making progress tell your therapist. This can often lead to the break thoughts you are looking for. Itís well worth it. A good therapist will not be offended if you let them know that you feel stuck. They will support you in exploring how they can help you.

7. Schedule Sessions Only When It Works for You

This will help you to be fully present, and minimize distractions during sessions. Often we want help, but donít give therapy space in our lives that it deserves. It is best to find a consistent time and day and make therapy the priority. If you do that therapy can become part of the week and you can keep your progress going forward.

8. Give the Process Time to Work

There are no quick fixes when it comes to couple counseling and treatment for addiction and anxiety disorders. Being patient and taking a long view of your recovery will help you understand and come to terms with underlying issues, and develop healthy long-term coping mechanisms. Change happens when we consistently work towards our goal. It can matter more than the immediate effort.

Sources:

Understanding Psychotherapy and How it Works

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/understanding-psychotherapy.aspx

How to Choose a Psychologist

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx

Therapists Spill: 8 Ways Clients Spoil Their Progress in Therapy (& How to Change That)

https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-8-ways-clients-spoil-their-progress-in-therapy-how-to-change-that/


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By Josephmax, in: General